Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Unrealistic Movie Conventions

Sorry its been a while since the last post, I've been pretty busy recently, and the blog post frequency is slowing down. I've got more ideas coming up soon, but in the meantime this ought to tide you over. Silly, pointless, unrealistic things people do in movies, time and time again

Picking Locks
The principle of lockpicking is that you use one instrument to put tension on the internal barrel of the lock, whilst using another to press the individual pins until they click into place. Sometimes custom tools can do both things at once, if they are built for a specific lock, and if the lock is kind of crappy. This principle has been around for decades, coupled with numerous blogs and books on lockpicking, yet when you watch most Hollywood films, somehow somebody always manages to pick a lock with just one piece of wire. Its forgivable in a ludicrous, cheesy action film, but not in a espionage film, or one purporting to some degree of realism. So if you're ever locked away, be warned, a single hairpin is unlikely to be much use

Phone Calls
You know that feeling, when you have to make a call. You scroll down to the right name, press the call button, wait for that pause while your phone gets its act together, and then wait for the phone to ring a few times before someone picks up. Well people in films don't have that problem. Apparently everyone is on speed dial, because one touch connects you straight through. And I'm not sure what network they're on, but its connected straight away! I guess their friends are just waiting by the phone for someone to call.

Driving
I'm not a great driver, for a number of reasons, but I am well aware of safe driving habits. Characters in films...not so much. Nobody ever puts on a handbrake when they park, and when using an unfamiliar car, nobody in the history of Hollywood has ever adjusted their seat and mirrors. In fact, most film characters turn to their passenger whilst in the middle of conversation, presumably using some form of divine telepathy to see the road without actually looking at it

Hacking
Hacking requires time and patience. There are certain developer tools required, and code compilers, and often specialist hardware is needed, to get access to hard coding. This is all of course, unless you're a movie hacker, in which case a laptop with no software in it is fine. A few key strokes here and a few keystrokes there..BOOM! You've been hacked.... Ridiculous.

Bomb Squad
Surely it goes without saying that 'cut the red wire' is perhaps the stupidest thing the action film ever came up with. Most bombs don't have a crazy array of countermeasures with gas and prisms and motion detectors etc. Most Bombs are amateur and thus unstable, and this is the main problem. And obviously...the colour of the wire doesn't matter at all, its all about whats connected to where and why.

Bathroom Door
Most ordinary people are taught to lock the door when they go to the bathroom, for the sake of privacy if nothing else. Its something you learn when you're young, and a habit you never get out of..unless your life is a movie. Look out for it next time you watch a film..you'll be surprised how often a character walks into somebody else in the bathroom, the door having inexplicably been left unlocked

Hotwiring a car
The number of times in films its just a case of bashing the plastic below the wheel and connecting the wire together until they spark..it almost makes you think you could do it. Except that the plastic is actually quite solid, and needs screwing off. And the wire aren't bare, so they need stripping. And unless the car is 25+ years old, there's probably an immobiliser. Don't even get me started in the Silm Jim

Sex
If you're having sex, and you don't want to conceive, you use protection or at least birth control..right? Nope..wrong Apparently. As screen characters, you can have impromptu sex with anyone, and somehow not end up pregnant

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